The Secret is Out

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Little Baby Webb

Coming July 2011!

I am almost 14 weeks along, due July 28th, and we are beyond thrilled.

Since getting pregnant I have debated with myself about whether or not to tell about our
struggles with infertility. I realize that there is no question about it. I will tell our story. It was
hearing stories like mine that gave me hope when nothing else could. 


Our Story, for those who are interested:

I had always assumed that when Marcus and I decided the time was right for us to have kids we
would just get pregnant. I mean, that’s how it worked, right? I saw it with all of my family and
friends. They would decide when they were going to get pregnant, and they did. So why would
I be any different?

And maybe that is why this struggle was so difficult for me. The mindset I had going in. I
remember after three months of not getting pregnant, I cried and wondered what was wrong with
me. Marcus quietly reminded me that these things take time, and to have faith.

The first Mother’s Day that came while we were trying arrived and I thought I was going to
die. Those who have not experienced these feelings might think that I am exaggerating, but I
quite literally thought I was going to die. My heart was breaking and I just knew I couldn’t do it
anymore.

As month after month passed, I really was on an emotional rollercoaster. There were days or
weeks that would go by that I was filled with hope and I knew that Heavenly Father had a plan
for me. I would know that I could get through this. But so quickly everything would change,
and I would be so sad, lonely and afraid. I was so afraid that I would never have a baby of my
own. And there were days where I would give up. I would tell Marcus that I quit, and that I just
couldn’t do it anymore.

And the months went on like this. I felt so frustrated knowing that I had no control over
something I wanted so badly. I can honestly say that I have never been through something so
difficult in my entire life.

I made some incredible friends who saved me from going insane. I was supported and lifted up by people I never expected to be there for me. I survived through prayer, wonderful friends and
family, an incredible, supportive and perfect-for-me husband, and Priesthood blessings.

I prayed. I prayed all the time. It seemed that all I was doing was praying. Praying that I could
be happier. And that I could get what I wanted. And that somehow, I could endure through this
challenge, and be happy while I did it.

It seemed like everyone I knew was pregnant. All of our friends were having babies, my family, people in the ward and everywhere around me. And people were always asking us why we didn’t want to have kids yet. That always hurt. I wanted to be mad, but knew that I couldn’t,
because it wasn’t their fault. They didn’t know, because I wasn’t telling people.

After going through all of the unpleasant tests (both Marcus and I) we were diagnosed with
unexplained infertility. I felt relief that nothing was wrong, but also frustrated and couldn’t
help but wonder why. WHY? Especially if nothing was wrong. Why, Why, Why? The only
comfort I could find was that if nothing was wrong, it truly had to be Heavenly Father’s plan for
us. The timing was not right yet.

The fertility medication made me a crazy person and it was not fun, month after month.
But I knew that if it ever worked, it would all be worth it. On our fifth month of Clomid we decided to do artificial insemination. It was our first artificial insemination that worked and it really was all so worth it.

I know that this process could have been so much longer, with so many more disappointing months and so many more procedures. I do not know why the timing was right for us now, and that we don’t have to wait any longer. I feel so blessed. Thank you for everyone who has
supported us and prayed for us. I know that I have been blessed with strength because of your
prayers for me.

My heart breaks for all of you out there that are still going through this trial and still waiting for
your baby. I hope that my story gives you hope and please know that if you need a supportive
friend, I will always be there for you.