Showered

My mom and sisters threw me the cutest baby shower last week.  They seriously went all out and did everything in animal theme and blue, green, orange and yellow, the colors of my nursery.  It was darling and they made such delicious food.

All of the gorgeous food:  Homemade oreos, fruit salsa and cinnamon chips, jello shots, cake balls, chocolate covered strawberries, and delicious cupcakes. 

We didn't get any pictures of any of the guests besides my cute, cute nieces.

 

It was so much fun and got me so excited for this little baby to get here!  I am so lucky to have such sweet, creative and wonderful mom and sisters.  Thank you for doing this for me!  

Engaged!

Congratulations to my cute sister, Elise, and her Fiance Mike!  They got engaged Wednesday night and we couldn't be happier for them. 

They are so cute together and seem so good for each other. 

Last night we decided to meet in Ogden for a little celebration dinner.  They are getting married August 16th and I cannot wait.

30 Weeks

Wow, time continues to fly by with this pregnancy.  I cannot believe that I am already 30 weeks -- and only 10 more to go!  I have been feeling great and think that the last 6 weeks have been the best part of my pregnancy so far.

I do not feel as big as I look.  Sometimes I almost forget I'm pregnant but then I look down and see my big belly and am almost surprised.    I have been really relatively comfortable and besides some really crazy dreams and the occasional charlie horse, I have been sleeping pretty well too.  I feel like there are days that I am still tired, but for the most part I have had more energy and am doing great.

I have been getting some really strange comments, such as very concerned middle aged men at the gym asking if what I was doing was safe, or a few of my other favorites:

"Wow, that's a really big muscle" says a chubby guy who pats his stomach and points to my stomach at the same time.

"All these chubby mothers..." directed towards me, referring to me and I guess all the other pregnant women in my ward?

"Wow, looks like someone needs to go on a diet!"  Umm...thanks?

I have realized that people seriously say whatever they want to a pregnant woman and are often really quite tactless. 

I am still loving being pregnant, and feeling this little life inside of me.  He is seriously so active, and I am constantly feeling him move around.  He is big enough now that I can actually watch my stomach move as he moves, which is really weird but pretty entertaining.

Marcus and I are not in agreement on any names, and I am starting to get worried that our little baby will be nameless.  We had four names that we at least agreed on, but as time passes we are not any closer to actually agreeing on any of those than we were when we first were pregnant.  We are hoping that when he is born he just really looks like one of the names. 

We are getting so excited to meet our little baby and see what he looks like!  I cannot believe he will be here in only 10 weeks!

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice...

Last night we had a cute baby shower for Jamie and her little baby girl that is due in July.  We had such a good time.  We had a really yummy dinner and then I did a fun pink and brown dessert bar.  My favorite part was the different flavors of milk!  It was lots of fun. 

The desserts

Becca guessed EXACTLY right how big Jamie's baby belly was.

And me and Jamie decided to continue the back-to-back baby bump picture.

Me 29 Weeks, Jamie 30 Weeks

side note:  I see pictures of me and feel like it is me, just with a pillow stuffed up my shirt.  How can that be real? 

Such a fun night and I'm so excited for Jamie and her little girl!

On Mothers Day

Last night as it got closer and closer to midnight, I kept thinking about Mothers Day.  I kept thinking about how I felt last year on Mothers Day. I remember being so sad, Saturday before Mothers Day, knowing that we were about to celebrate a day for mothers when I felt like I wasn't being allowed to be a mother. I remember telling myself that I was not going to let myself be sad and instead to focus on celebrating my mother and mother-in-law. But that really didn't work, and Sunday came, and I was beyond sad. I was mad.  I was mad that I wasn't a mother yet. I looked all around me and saw all the mothers, especially young mothers, and I questioned everything. I asked why them and not me? Did I not deserve this too? I had so many questions and so many feelings, and there was no way I was just going to be able to ignore all of them on this day.   

I remember Marcus' mom wished me a Happy Mothers Day, and someone replied to that saying, well, she isn't really a mother yet. And I was so mad, and wanted to scream at them, and really to scream at everyone else too, and tell them that if it were up to me I would already be a mother.  I was hurt that everyone seemed to think it was my choice that I didn't have a little baby yet, as if I had all the control, when really I had none.

And so a year later, as we are about to celebrate Mothers Day again, those feelings and emotions are so fresh in my mind. And this year is so different, with a baby in my belly.  There is no anger.  But I will never forget those feelings, and the heartache I felt as I waited to be a mother.

And I don't think I will ever forget. Going through infertility definitely taught me that we are not the ones in control. So often I think we think we are, until something big happens that makes us realize that we are not. And for me now, I think Mothers Day will always be an emotional day, reminding me that we are not in charge.  Reminding me that there is a bigger plan for us, no matter how hard that is to accept. 

Happy Mothers Day.