Big Brother

Coming September 7, 2014.

We are thrilled that we are pregnant and feel so blessed to be able to experience this again.  A lot of people have been asking if we got pregnant naturally this time around, but it pretty much took the same process as getting pregnant with Asher.  (With less waiting around I guess, since we had gone through this before.)  

I know that while I have been struggling to get pregnant (both times around) I loved reading about other people and how they handled this process.  So I don't think I could post a pregnancy announcement without a few of my own thoughts. 

(Feel free to skip ahead to the pictures if you're not interested)

This time around was obviously very different from last time.  For the most part, I would say it was easier.  I was already a mom.  I was already doing what I loved on a daily basis.  I knew that my body was capable of carrying and delivering a baby.  And I knew I could do it again.  That made giving up control and knowing that it wasn't up to my timing so much easier.  But there were things about waiting for a second baby that were also harder.  Guilt.  So much guilt.  I felt guilty for wanting another.  Hadn't I begged and prayed just to get Asher here?  Suddenly I felt greedy wanting another.

Once I got pregnant I was obviously thrilled.  And relieved.  So relieved to not be starting over on another month, another cycle.  But lingering there, was this strange mix of other emotions - guilt, sadness, and pain.  Like I was somehow undeserving of this or like it shouldn't be my time yet.  Sure, I hated our process of waiting - hated the artificial insemination, the awkward doctor visits, and the nasty side effects of the fertility medication.  But still, our process was relatively easy.  Especially compared to so many others.  

I know it doesn't seem normal to be feeling all those feelings at a time when I should have just been so happy, but I think the struggles of waiting for a baby stick with you, and definitely change the way you think about all of this.  My fertility problems and the process we've gone through to get our babies here has forever shaped me and become such a big part of me.  I hope it has changed me for the better: made me more loving, caring, empathetic, and nonjudging.  

And for all of those people out there who are still waiting - please don't give up hope.  I pray for you that your time is soon.  And I will never, ever take this little baby inside of me for granted.  

And now just some fun pictures of Asher as he goofed around while I tried to get a decent picture for our announcement:

and thanks to Kate, Rilee, and Tommy for their help with these pictures!