Yesterday Asher was three weeks old. These have been some of the craziest three weeks of my life, I can tell you that. It seems like when you're pregnant everyone is so quick to give you their opinion or offer advice, tell you why you should or shouldn't get an epidural, and why you just have to breastfeed. But what nobody tells you about is postpartum. Sure people say it is normal to get the "baby blues" and what signs you should be on the look out for postpartum depression, but no one really tells you what it is really like.
I think somehow it must be different for everyone, but the main thing for me is that everything comes in such extremes. I cannot believe how incredibly hard things have been, but at the same time I cannot believe how wonderful and fun it has been. At one moment I feel so much confidence, and know that I am a good little mama to my baby. And in the next moment, the next unexplained bout of crying, or the wide-awake-in-the-middle-of-the-night-baby, I suddenly have no clue what I'm doing, no clue how to be a mom and am so afraid that I just can't do it. It seems like once I have things a little figured out, and am starting to understand my baby, starting to feel like my body might actually really be mine again, and that my hormones have balanced themselves out, something happens to it that really undoes it all. The extremes are incredible, but I guess it is so true that there must be opposition in all things. I cannot believe how much I love this little baby of mine, and how happy he makes me and Marcus.
One of my favorite parts of the whole day is bedtime, when Marcus swaddles Asher up like a little burrito and we kiss his cute cheeks and lay him on our bed while we have family prayer. And right now as Asher sleeps quietly in my arms it is all so worth it, the crazy lack of sleep from night-time feedings, all of the diaper changes, and the moments of complete insecurity are so worth it.
One thing I have also realized is how incredible it is to have a family. We have our little family of three, but I also feel so blessed to have both of our families. Our families, especially our moms, have really taken care of us these last three weeks. They've been always there for us, cooking us delicious meals (we have been spoiled!) and just taking care of us. And not a day goes by that my sisters don't check in on me, make sure I am still alive and let me have a good cry anytime I need it.
And so if this post seems a little crazy, a little rambling, and so back-and-forth, that is because that is exactly how postpartum is, at least for me. Definitely a little crazy, and so incredibly hard, but so so so worth it. I love my little Asher baby, and I love my sweet husband.
9 comments:
I love this post. . . it's so real. It is such a crazy time of such crazy conflicting up and down feelings. And then one day it goes completely away and you feel like yourself again, and you head out and conquer the world. I love you!
It is so hard Chelsea, so hard. But it's also true what Katie said, that one day you just feel better,even though at the beginning you think you never will. And you forget about it until reading someone's blog reminds you of it all :) I think postpartum is so much harder than all of pregnancy and labor and delivery combined.
But I don't think there is anything more wonderful than having your little newborn sleeping in your arms, and it makes you realize you will go through anything for that baby.
Ha, I think it's safe to assume that was me, not Dan.
Sorry chels! It's way hard at first! 2nd week is when it always hits me, but somehow I survived when I didn't think I would! I know you will! Keep up being an awesome you! You're a great mom.. that little guy is lucky to have you guys!! Love ya!
oh chelsea, i feel the same way! right when i think everything is figured out my baby will start screaming for 2 hours, but of course once he stops everything is good again! thank goodness for husbands and moms!
one more thing...i am so glad you posted this because before you posted how he is such a good sleeper and eater and i wanted to cry because everyone i know keeps telling me how perfect their babies eat and sleep and it made me wonder why my baby didn't. so it was nice to hear baby asher has random wide awake time at night and random crying episodes too! it is nice knowing people are going through the same thing...it makes me feel like i can do it!
Great post Chel. I'm sitting here reading this thinking I have felt every emotion you just described! It's a hard thing to put into words, but you said it perfectly. It was so wonderful seeing you guys this weekend. Let's get our babies together again soon!
I totally relate. I remember thinking how do people have more than one kid and here I am doing it again. :) The first month of Riley's life is still such a blur to me for various reasons. I still look back at his earliest pictures and feel sad that I can hardly remember those days. He changed so fast. I'm hoping the second time won't be as bad and I can cherish the newborn stage more because it is so breif. But with all the exhaustion we'll see how it goes. Hang in there. Things will get better and you'll be a pro in no time.
Well, like everyone else commented, you're in good company! There is no way to adequately describe what motherhood is like...it's one of those things you just have to experience for yourself, with the many highs...and the lows too.
I'm still going through a little of that with Jameson. But I wouldn't trade what I'm doing for the world.
Can't wait to see you again. :)
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