Belated Mother's Day

Mother's Day has come and gone. And this year, I was a mother. What a miracle.

I wanted to post about how I was feeling on Mother's Day, but I was feeling too many things and I just couldn't put it into words. I wanted to post and say how happy I am to be a mom, how lucky, blessed and fortunate I feel. Because I do. But my heart also breaks for those who are still waiting to be moms, or who have lost their own little babies. And I didn't know how to articulate all that I was feeling, and also not feel like I was betraying those who want a baby so bad.

I always hated hearing people say they were so 'blessed to be a mother'. I knew it was true, but I wondered why they were blessed but not me. And I didn't want to stand here and say that same thing, while trying to express just really how grateful I am to be a mother. But I realize now how ungrateful I would be if I didn't say how incredibly happy I am to have my sweet baby Asher in our lives.

Some of my favorite things about being a mother are the simple things.  I love:

-Going into Asher's room just before I go to sleep and checking on him. I watch his perfect little face, his round little cheeks and his chest rising up and down with each breath. Some nights he is sleeping on his back, exactly the way we put him down. This means he was exhausted and had no time to squirm around before falling asleep. Other nights he is on his side, with his blanket tucked around his little body. And most often he is on his tummy, with his cute little face resting on his arms. This little boy is perfection and I feel like I have died and gone to heaven as I sit there and watch him, knowing that he was the little miracle I waited for.

-Seeing my sweet little boy light up when he sees me. He is such a small little thing but he already shows so much love. He loves me no matter what, and that is such a good thing.

-Watching little Asher man learn so many new things on a daily basis. And knowing that I am a huge part of that learning process. I know that is a huge responsibility but it is so exciting.

-Driving in the car with Marcus and realizing that we have a baby in the backseat. We spent a good 4 years together without a baby and sometimes it's almost like, 'oh yeah, we have a baby back there. Our baby!' Usually this happens on long drives when he is peacefully sleeping away. I am so grateful that we have a baby back there.

-Going to grandma's to go swimming.  I love that hanging up next to our swimsuits are tiny little board shorts for Asher man.

All in all I love being Asher's mama. I know that I am so lucky to be a mother and so grateful for this little guy in my life. He was the little baby we were waiting for and he has made me the happiest mama in the world. So grateful for this boy today, and the chance I have to be his mom.

**My sweet, sweet friend took these pictures for me for Mother's Day.  They are so perfect and so priceless to me.**