August 28, 2011
August 26, 2011
Postpartum
Yesterday Asher was three weeks old. These have been some of the craziest three weeks of my life, I can tell you that. It seems like when you're pregnant everyone is so quick to give you their opinion or offer advice, tell you why you should or shouldn't get an epidural, and why you just have to breastfeed. But what nobody tells you about is postpartum. Sure people say it is normal to get the "baby blues" and what signs you should be on the look out for postpartum depression, but no one really tells you what it is really like.
I think somehow it must be different for everyone, but the main thing for me is that everything comes in such extremes. I cannot believe how incredibly hard things have been, but at the same time I cannot believe how wonderful and fun it has been. At one moment I feel so much confidence, and know that I am a good little mama to my baby. And in the next moment, the next unexplained bout of crying, or the wide-awake-in-the-middle-of-the-night-baby, I suddenly have no clue what I'm doing, no clue how to be a mom and am so afraid that I just can't do it. It seems like once I have things a little figured out, and am starting to understand my baby, starting to feel like my body might actually really be mine again, and that my hormones have balanced themselves out, something happens to it that really undoes it all. The extremes are incredible, but I guess it is so true that there must be opposition in all things. I cannot believe how much I love this little baby of mine, and how happy he makes me and Marcus.
One of my favorite parts of the whole day is bedtime, when Marcus swaddles Asher up like a little burrito and we kiss his cute cheeks and lay him on our bed while we have family prayer. And right now as Asher sleeps quietly in my arms it is all so worth it, the crazy lack of sleep from night-time feedings, all of the diaper changes, and the moments of complete insecurity are so worth it.
One thing I have also realized is how incredible it is to have a family. We have our little family of three, but I also feel so blessed to have both of our families. Our families, especially our moms, have really taken care of us these last three weeks. They've been always there for us, cooking us delicious meals (we have been spoiled!) and just taking care of us. And not a day goes by that my sisters don't check in on me, make sure I am still alive and let me have a good cry anytime I need it.
And so if this post seems a little crazy, a little rambling, and so back-and-forth, that is because that is exactly how postpartum is, at least for me. Definitely a little crazy, and so incredibly hard, but so so so worth it. I love my little Asher baby, and I love my sweet husband.
August 24, 2011
A Few More Pictures
Here are a few pictures from the hospital from when Asher was only 1 day old. We also went and got his pictures taken at two weeks by an amazing photographer up in Logan and I am so excited to see those. I will definitely be posting when we get them back.
August 18, 2011
Two Weeks and A Birth Story
I cannot believe that Asher is already two weeks old. Time is so weird because while I can't believe it has already been two weeks, I also feel like he has been with us forever.
He is still such a good baby and we are all doing really well. We took him to the doctor's today and he now weighs 8 pounds 10 ounces. He is a growing boy!
So now for the birth story. I have really been debating on how much to share and wanted to keep this short and simple, but it ended up with quite a few details that I really don't ever want to forget.
I was really leaning towards a natural, unmedicated childbirth. A week after my due date my doctor felt it was best for me to be induced. I was disappointed because it was not natural but together Marcus and I felt that it was the right thing to do.
Wednesday night we checked into the hospital at 8:00 p.m. and I was started on an oral medication, Cytotek. They told us to get comfortable (yeah right!) and that it would probably be a long night. Within two doses of the Cytotek and several hours I was dilated to a three and having quite frequent contractions. I was then started on Pitocin and very quickly my contractions became very intense and so frequent that I was only getting about a minute or less to rest in between. I woke Marcus up and had him help me relax through the contractions which I was feeling mostly in my back. He was pushing on my back with all of his strength, and I was starting to doubt that I could really do this. By 7:30 a.m. I was dilated to a 7 and thrilled to hear that these crazy painful contractions were actually doing something. I decided at this point to get an epidural. I realized that there wasn't much about my labor that was natural and so I felt alright about getting an epidural.
At 8:00 a.m. and just after I received the epidural I was checked again and already to a 9. We were so excited and thought that our baby would be here really soon now. Sadly this is where things stopped. I wasn't progressing any further and we found out that the baby was posterior and still sitting up really high. Hour after hour they checked me, but nothing was changing. With each contraction the baby's heart rate was really dropping and we were all starting to get worried.
At 1:15 p.m. the doctor came in to tell me that we had one hour for things to change before needing a c-section. I had already been dilated to a 9 for over four hours and there were starting to be some serious risks. I lost it at this point, and the tears began to flow. I was exhausted and now so scared with the possibility of major surgery. I wondered why this was happening to me when it was so different from what I had planned. I couldn't stop my tears and asked Marcus for a priesthood blessing. We all prayed that things would change.
The hour passed and nothing changed. It was time and we all knew it. We waited for them to prep the OR, for the doctor to get there, and for the anesthesiologist to come give me more of the epidural. As we were waiting for all of these things, the fetal monitor that was measuring the baby's heart rate fell off and suddenly we had no idea how the baby was doing. I felt completely panicked and realized in that moment how precious this baby was and how quickly everything could change. I knew that the doctor knew best and it truly was time to get this little baby here. I didn't care about what a c-section meant but knew we had to get this baby here and right now.
The anesthesiologist gave me five times the amount of anesthesia I already had and I was numb from my neck down. I was so nervous that everything would work out but felt a sense of comfort and was even able to doze in and out of sleep as they did the procedure. Our sweet baby boy was born at 4:17 p.m. and I could not have been any happier.
Although there was very little about my labor and delivery that went as I imagined it, I am just so grateful for an incredible doctor who knew what she was doing, for modern medicine and the ability they had to get my baby here when he needed to come, and for a loving Heavenly Father who was watching over us and protecting our sweet little boy and providing us with the comfort we needed. I know this birth was a complete miracle and I am so grateful to have him here.
He is still such a good baby and we are all doing really well. We took him to the doctor's today and he now weighs 8 pounds 10 ounces. He is a growing boy!
So now for the birth story. I have really been debating on how much to share and wanted to keep this short and simple, but it ended up with quite a few details that I really don't ever want to forget.
I was really leaning towards a natural, unmedicated childbirth. A week after my due date my doctor felt it was best for me to be induced. I was disappointed because it was not natural but together Marcus and I felt that it was the right thing to do.
Wednesday night we checked into the hospital at 8:00 p.m. and I was started on an oral medication, Cytotek. They told us to get comfortable (yeah right!) and that it would probably be a long night. Within two doses of the Cytotek and several hours I was dilated to a three and having quite frequent contractions. I was then started on Pitocin and very quickly my contractions became very intense and so frequent that I was only getting about a minute or less to rest in between. I woke Marcus up and had him help me relax through the contractions which I was feeling mostly in my back. He was pushing on my back with all of his strength, and I was starting to doubt that I could really do this. By 7:30 a.m. I was dilated to a 7 and thrilled to hear that these crazy painful contractions were actually doing something. I decided at this point to get an epidural. I realized that there wasn't much about my labor that was natural and so I felt alright about getting an epidural.
At 8:00 a.m. and just after I received the epidural I was checked again and already to a 9. We were so excited and thought that our baby would be here really soon now. Sadly this is where things stopped. I wasn't progressing any further and we found out that the baby was posterior and still sitting up really high. Hour after hour they checked me, but nothing was changing. With each contraction the baby's heart rate was really dropping and we were all starting to get worried.
At 1:15 p.m. the doctor came in to tell me that we had one hour for things to change before needing a c-section. I had already been dilated to a 9 for over four hours and there were starting to be some serious risks. I lost it at this point, and the tears began to flow. I was exhausted and now so scared with the possibility of major surgery. I wondered why this was happening to me when it was so different from what I had planned. I couldn't stop my tears and asked Marcus for a priesthood blessing. We all prayed that things would change.
The hour passed and nothing changed. It was time and we all knew it. We waited for them to prep the OR, for the doctor to get there, and for the anesthesiologist to come give me more of the epidural. As we were waiting for all of these things, the fetal monitor that was measuring the baby's heart rate fell off and suddenly we had no idea how the baby was doing. I felt completely panicked and realized in that moment how precious this baby was and how quickly everything could change. I knew that the doctor knew best and it truly was time to get this little baby here. I didn't care about what a c-section meant but knew we had to get this baby here and right now.
The anesthesiologist gave me five times the amount of anesthesia I already had and I was numb from my neck down. I was so nervous that everything would work out but felt a sense of comfort and was even able to doze in and out of sleep as they did the procedure. Our sweet baby boy was born at 4:17 p.m. and I could not have been any happier.
Although there was very little about my labor and delivery that went as I imagined it, I am just so grateful for an incredible doctor who knew what she was doing, for modern medicine and the ability they had to get my baby here when he needed to come, and for a loving Heavenly Father who was watching over us and protecting our sweet little boy and providing us with the comfort we needed. I know this birth was a complete miracle and I am so grateful to have him here.
August 17, 2011
Wedding Time
Yesterday Elise and Mike got married in the Bountiful temple. The sealing was so sweet and the entire day seemed to go just perfectly. They had a delicious luncheon at El Matador and then the most darling reception. Elise and Mike were so happy together and couldn't stop smiling all day. We are all so happy for them!
Elise looked absolutely gorgeous.
Her colors were orange, blue and gray and everything looked so perfect.
Our now family of three...
And Asher got to wear his first bow tie. As you can see, he was thrilled. Luckily he was such a good baby and slept through so much of the day that it made it really easy for Marcus and me. It was an exhausting day for me, but I was happy to be there and be a part of it. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
August 15, 2011
August 11, 2011
7 Days
Here are a few pictures of our sweet little boy while I am working on writing the details of the miracle of his birth. We finally decided on his name, Asher. He is such a sweetheart and we are doing really well. My recovery has actually been a little bit harder than I expected, but we have been lucky to have my mom and Marcus' mom both helping us so much. Asher is just an angel baby and sleeps and nurses so well. Yesterday we had his first doctor's appointment and he was already back to his birth weight. We are just loving him so much!
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